Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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