Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
