I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
