i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
