If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
