i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
