giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
