I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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