No stitches, just platelets and will power
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
