ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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