It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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