Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
