she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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