She went from zero to smokin in five shots
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
