those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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