Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
