he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
