I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
