i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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