i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well you can't waste a boner
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
