at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
