this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
