Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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