Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
