dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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