So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
