i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
