My brain says no but my pants say off.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
