the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
