No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
