Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Randomize
