The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
