the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
