shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
