I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
