You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
