yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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