Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
