y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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