I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
