ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
