i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
