Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
