and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
