All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
