Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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