She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
