The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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