Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
