he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
