It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
