You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
