I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
