so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
