I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
