The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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