For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
