Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
and you fell through a lawn chair
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
